Coping Techniques
by NightmareWalker
Summary: In the aftermath of Alice's death, Jane tries to work through her conflicting feelings. Cue Maura's timely entrance and her words of wisdom that help to clear up the mess tangling up in Jane's head. Basically feels following the premiere tonight, and an expansion on what I feel is a missing scene. T for brief language and mentions of blood. Rizzles if you squint.


Because I wasn't happy with how shaken up Jane was immediately following Alice's death in one scene, then her being more or less alright in the next (although the church scene at the end did help a little with that), I decided to expand on what Jane may have felt after shooting Alice (fuck yeah, that bitch got what she deserved! No one lays a hand on Jane bae lol) and how she would have worked her way through that.

I promise I'm working on the next Chapter of RoL, I just needed to get this out!

Read on!

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Jane stared in horrified fascination at the crimson spreading across Alice's shirt, her sightless gaze searing through her like a mirthless victory. Her gun hand shook violently and she only vaguely heard the sound of the door breaking, Korsak's voice piercing the ringing in her ears.

"Jane?"

She blinked and looked up at him, feeling like she was moving through something solid and heavy, a weight across her shoulders and head that felt unbearable. "Jane?" His hand was stretched out toward her, eyes careful and worried, flicking between her face and the gun still trembling in her grasp.

"Yeah…yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine." Her hand fell limply to her side and she swallowed hard, eyes finding Alice's body again. "I'm fine.

She felt numb on the ride back to the precinct, the ringing in her ears had dulled to an annoying buzz, and the congratulatory claps on her shoulders and happy voices washed over her like a stiff wind, making goose bumps rise on her skin and a cold sweat break out over her body. She sat through the debriefing in the interrogation room emotionlessly and escaped to her desk under the guise of doing paperwork, snapping at everyone until she was alone in the bullpen, and stared through the stack of papers on her desk, pen in hand and jaw clenching so hard her teeth ached.

"Jane?"

She jerked her head up, startled, and found Maura's hazel eyes steady on hers. The concerned look in her eyes thawed out the numbness that had settled in her and Jane found her vision blurred with tears. Maura's expression shifted to alarm and she slid around the side of the desk, crouching beside Jane and hesitantly setting a hand on her wrist.

"You're alright, you're safe, you got her. She can't hurt you anymore."

Jane mutely shook her head and pressed her face into her other hand, elbow propped on the desk, flipping her hand over so Maura's fingers brushed her palm and tickled the sensitive skin. Maura's arm slipped between her waist and the back of her chair, rubbing the small of her back reassuringly, and she cooed quietly as Jane fought to get herself under control. When she was breathing evenly again, she brushed her knuckles across her eyes and felt Maura pull her gently, insistently to her feet and begin to lead her down the hallway toward the elevator.

"Maura?"

"Ssshhh, c'mon." Maura's hand grasped her fingers loosely as she waited for the elevator doors to open and she led them into the space, pressing the button that led to the autopsy suite and leaning against the wall. Her eyes stayed steady on Jane, who looked away when she felt tears rising again. Her shoulders shuddered and Maura closed the small distance between them to rub between her shoulders until the elevator stopped in the basement.

She led them past the autopsy tables to her office and shut the door behind them, methodically rounding the room to close the blinds after locking the door. Jane watched with bemused detachment, trying desperately to remember the fancy breathing techniques Maura had taught her during one of their yoga mornings, and froze when she turned on her heel and appraised Jane with her eyes. "Sit."

"What?"

"Jane, sit before you fall over."

Jane suddenly realized she was swaying gently in place and let her legs fall out from under herself, landing roughly on the uncomfortable sofa against the wall. Her head fell into her hands and she felt the cushion dip beside her as Maura sat, then warmth against her side as she slid closer. An arm folded around her waist and Jane leaned heavily into it, head rolling onto Maura's shoulder as a couple tears slid down her cheeks. Her breath hitched and Maura's fingers slid through her hair, combing the tangled curls away from her face and gently scratching her scalp.

"What's wrong?"

Jane shook her head and Maura let her stay silent, continuing to card her fingers through her hair and humming occasionally when Jane shuddered out a sob. They sat in silence, listening to the sound of Maura's underlings bustling about the lab, until Jane's tears had been reduced to the occasional sniffle.

"It's not me."

Jane felt Maura's fingers stutter on their nth run through her hair and the body pressed flush against hers stiffened momentarily before relaxing again. "What isn't you?"

"I'm not…not worried about myself."

"Of course you aren't."

Even though the words were exasperated, a fond thread ran through each letter that warmed Jane from the inside out, and she felt a little more of her dread and a little more of the weight on her shoulders fall away. She shut her eyes and cleared her throat, willing her voice to sound less gravel-gargling and more normal. "I just – I don't care about my reputation; I'd give up my job, a chance at a promotion, _anything_ if it meant my family was safe. Alice didn't – she didn't see that. She couldn't see that I would do anything, go to any length to make sure…"

Jane sighed heavily and Maura removed her hand from her hair to gently grasp her wrist again to get her attention. She waited until tired, dark eyes met hers before speaking, lowly and clearly. "Your loved ones are your priority. Frankie, Angela, Korsak, you care so much about them. When Alice shot Nina-"

Jane made a disagreeing sound at the back of her throat and threw her arms around Maura's neck, dragging her into a hug that felt like it would break something if it didn't feel so good. "Not just them," Jane muttered against Maura's temple, "you, too. You are at the top of my list. When she-"

Jane pulled back and lifted a hand to trace the grazed skin at Maura's forehead with her thumb, a distressed expression wrinkling her face as her eyes went far away. She shook herself out of her thoughts and met Maura's eyes again. "I almost didn't go after her when I realized you had been hurt, but then I thought she might try something again, and I thought I could catch her, and-"

"And you did, Jane."

Jane shook her head emphatically, sending the scent of her lavender shampoo into the space between them. "Not soon enough. She _toyed_ with us, nearly hurt that kid; if I had been faster, been thinking straight and not so worried about you and Nina and everyone else-"

"That's what makes you so good at your job." Maura captured her face between her hand, rubbing circles at the corners of Jane's eyes with her thumbs and easing the stress lines away. "Listen to me, Jane Rizzoli. You care, _so, so much¸_ and it makes you so incredibly _good_ at your job. Your empathy and doggedness and unwillingness to give up…those and so many other qualities give you the ability to do your job so well. Just because you didn't get her that night doesn't matter. You found her, you made the connection, Jane.

"Did you shoot her in cold blood?" Jane shook her head. "Did you try and talk her down?" A nod, small and terse. "Did you egg her on in any way into trying to shoot you?"

"No," Jane whispered.

"Did you give her every opportunity to surrender and come in peacefully?"

"Yes."

"Did you exhaust every other option possible?"

"Yes, but-"

Maura tightened her grip on Jane's cheeks and waited for their eyes to meet again. "Did you act rashly or out of vindictiveness?"

"No."

"And you didn't let your anger influence you, you didn't shoot her until she left you no other options; the boy corroborated your story, he said you tried to make her surrender peacefully and she said she would ruin you. But she can't, Jane, because _you did nothing wrong_ , do you understand?"

Jane felt the last, lingering cold chill evaporate from under her skin, felt the warmth of Maura's palms on her skin fully, felt the heat of her gaze, certain and adoring and _familiar_ , wash over her, and offered a wan but heartfelt smile. Maura returned it full heartedly and stroked the arch of her cheeks softly.

They sat in comfortable silence until Maura sighed and shut her eyes, a crease appearing between her brows that spoke to pain and weariness. Jane sat up straighter as her hand landed on Maura's knee. "Is your head hurting?"

"A little. I think all the goings-on today have tired me out," Maura admitted, smiling wryly.

"Well, it's a good thing I know the way to your house then, Doctor Isles. Where are your keys?"

"I'm fine, Jane."

Jane brushed off her words with a lackadaisical wave of her hand. "Humor me. Besides, I've got the rest of the week off until the psych eval on Monday, so I've got a long weekend and nothing to do. Let me take you home, Maura."

"But I have all these reports-"

"That will all be here in the morning, Maur. It's late, we're both exhausted, please? For me?" Jane widened her eyes pleadingly and Maura laughed a little, standing and offering her hand out to Jane to stand. They stood too close to each other after Jane straightened, forcing Maura to crane her neck a bit to meet her eyes. Hazel eyes closed as a calloused finger brushed the thin crimson line on her forehead and she leaned into the touch with a small smile.

"God, if it had been a little the other way…"

"But I'm fine." Maura took Jane's limp hand and pressed two fingers against the thrumming pulse in her throat. "I'm alive." She pressed Jane' palm to the fabric over her heart and held it there, fingers pressed to the spaces between Jane's fingers. "I'm still here, in front of you, Jane. Nothing bad happened to me."

Jane chuckled softly, although her face flushed lightly. "Not today, anyway. But the last couple weeks would say otherwise. I think I'm bad for your health, Maur." Although Jane spoke lightly, her eyes were serious. "Shit always happens to you because of me."

"And you're always there to save me. Besides," Maura said, a teasing tone in her voice, "I think it makes us closer." She tightened her grip on Jane's hand, still against her chest, and stepped closer until they were nearly flush. Her nose brushed Jane's chin and a grin pressed into the underside of Jane's jaw. "Kent, really?"

Jane's laughter rumbled up and vibrated against Maura's lips. "Well, I had to say _something_ , did you see the heart eyes he was making at you earlier after I walked in? What was that about, anyway?"

"It was nothing to concern yourself about."

Jane pulled away to eyeball Maura. "You're still forgetting things?" Maura's eyes swept down and she chewed her lip. "I can feel your heart racing, Maur, don't lie to me."

"Yes, a few things," she admitted quietly. "Only a few things, and a headache now and again, but those are normal after suffering a traumatic head injury. They will fade soon."

"I hope so." Jane's hand gently shook off Maura's and slunk around her waist, squeezing affectionately. "I'm getting tired of him 'keeping an eye on you.'"

Maura laughed, hands on Jane's hips, and squeezed them. "Jealous?" Jane scoffed. Maura smiled wider. Jane rolled her eyes and caught Maura's hand.

"C'mon, let's go home."


End file.
